Monday, April 27, 2009

Picking up the pieces....

Ok...I'm trying not to be a downer, but I'm sitting here bawling as I read the comments people leave me on my blogs and I'm overwhelmed with emotion. People are good. They really are. There have been so many people who have called, brought food, came over, just said HEY, chatted with me about stuff, asked how my mom is doing, sent cards, flowers and/or money and listened to my little brother tell all his favorite stories about my dad for hours. Everyone is awesome, so THANK YOU. So much! From the bottom of my heart...Thanks.

You know, my dad was so proud of me for losing that first 20 lbs. He was. He handed me a 20 dollar bill as a prize and said, "Now go kick some weight-loss butt!". He knew I had alot of people pulling for me and he didn't want me to disappoint anyone. He saw how many blog followers I had and people commented to him in the community all the time about the contest and he didn't want me to let them down.

Now I feel like I'm letting HIM down by not getting back on track so quickly. I'm not doing this for him, I'm still doing it for ME (and because I want to beat Michelle and Christine) and look good in jeans by next winter and ride horses with Michelle next summer, and...oh I could go on an My point is though, I know my Dad is watching and cheering for me. He was always my biggest cheerleader and fan in life....never missed a game or event...and it's from him I get my competitive nature. I'm not going to let him down. I'm getting back to it.

This next 20's for you, Dad!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

And then my daddy died....

My daddy died March 22nd. It really sucks. I've been a total flake since it happened, too. I'm trying to snap out of it, and plan on having a great week this week, but it's hard. I was in a fog for that first week and since then I've just been forgetful, unable to concentrate and store information and just generally flaky. My eating hasn't been great, but it hasn't been too bad either.

I haven't worked out for 2 months. I got pneumonia in February and had to get over that, then I got really busy and didn't get back in to workout routine mode. Then my dad died and everything has been on hold ever since.

It was an unexpected death, even though my dad hasn't had great health for 20 years. He had atherosclerosis, which is clogged and/or weakened arteries. He hadn't been getting enough blood flow to his stomach and bowels and those organs died. It made him very sick and he was in a great deal of pain. We discovered it too late in the game and there was no way we were going to make him live with a nutrition line and never be able to eat again, so we let him go. We told him he didn't have to fight it anymore. He died within hours of an exploratory surgery. We kept him comfortable and sedated and he died peacefully.

It still really, really sucks though. Here's a link to my other blog with pics and a tribute to my daddy, the greatest guy I ever knew.